Tuesday, 4 September 2012
“No!” With your free hand, you grab the door handle and open the front door. “Don’t…don’t touch me.” Your heart is beating louder and louder, as you step forward. You feel your heartbeat in your throat and it feels like you just swallowed little stones that make the gap in your trachea smaller. Your cheeks are hot and your face is full of red blotches, caused by the fact you’ve been crying. Tears are still streaming down your face and your legs are sore, knees are weak.
“Wait, [Your Name]! I-…” A desperate voice sounds behind you, but you try to ignore it.
“You don’t deserve me…” You softly whisper to yourself and while biting your lip, you step outside in the cold wind and close the door behind you with a loud smash. Eventually outside, you collapse on your knees, on the steps of the little stairs in front of the door. You bury your face in your hands and burst out into tears.
How could he? How could he just do this to you and leave you heartbroken, all alone? There’s no way he could make this right again.
With trembling arms and shaking legs you stand up, while the door opens behind you. In one fast, angry move, you turn around again.
“Now tell me?!” You shout loudly, your eyes almost spit fire. “What do you want from me?” You start to pant and your muscles are all tense. It remains silent, apart from your screaming echoing through the empty streets. Right there, in front of you, stands the boy you fell in love with. Or…
Suddenly you shake your head and look at him alertly. His brown and moist eyes look deplorable, his cheeks are wet from crying and his eyebrows form a hopeless frown. His usually nice styled black hair, lies along his face as if it’s inanimate. He opens his mouth, his perfect lips form your name and it’s like you’re stuck to the ground with super glue.
“I don’t want your excuses, Zayn.” Your voice doesn’t sound that persuading, but Zayn’s facial expression immediately changes in one second, as if he’s in deep pain. He sadly shakes his head, clenching his fists, as he closes his eyes and a tear falls down his eyelashes.
‘Turn around’, a voice in your mind repeats. ‘Walk away from him!’ But you don’t do anything and stare at Zayn. You just can’t walk away while seeing him like that, although your mind tells you not to stay. You love him.
Zayn steps forward and takes a deep breath, that sound makes you shiver over your back.
“Just listen to me. For a few minutes. For a few seconds. I don’t care, just listen to me”, he says. His voice sounds deep and soft, raspy as well. You can hear he’s been crying. “But please, don’t-… Don’t walk away.” Zayn’s voice breaks and he sniffs to keep in the tears. He’s having a hard time speaking properly, because the next sentence gets whispered: “Please don’t walk away. It’s like…my heart gets ripped out of my body.” Zayn starts to cry softly when you don’t reply and you’re absolutely nailed to the ground, not able to speak a word. Zayn slowly turns around.
“Have you said that to her as well?” You whisper and Zayn looks up. As you look each other in the eyes, something breaks inside you again and you start to yell. “Why, Zayn? I thought we were meant to be together! I thought…nothing would ever come between us. I thought what we had was real!” The last word gets spit out and Zayn cringes. You walk into him, he’s staring at you like he’s a deer in front of bright car lights, awaiting his death. You swallow and speak with a trembling voice: “Why did you kiss her, Zayn?”
With that sentence, Zayn’s lower lip starts to tremble and his eyes get even more teary.
“I was wrong. I was so, so wrong”, is all Zayn can say and he desperately puts his arms high up in the sky. You bite your lip and notice it starts to rain. You don’t mind at all. All that matters is that stupid boy standing in front of you. That stupid, stupid boy that broke your heart. That stupid boy you still love.
“I don’t know what I was doing, [Your Name]. I just know… No”, Zayn struggles with himself and he pulls his hands through his hair, searching for a solution.
The rain’s getting heavier and you feel your thin clothes getting wet. Zayn’s voice gets stuck in his throat and locks of black hair fall down his face together with the rain drops.
“I am sorry.” The words Zayn just spoke penetrate your mind and you look him into his brown, beautiful eyes, to realize he speaks the truth. “I am sorry and you don’t know how much I want you to forgive me, [Your Name].” Zayn steps closer, so his moist face is near yours. You look up at him, with the starry sky behind him, the teardrops and the raindrops being a perfect sad combination. He grabs one of your hands and you don’t even feel like shaking it off.
“Zayn…” You whisper.
“If only I could do this over again”, Zayn says intensely. “I feel so sorry.” A raindrop rolls down his nose and falls down right onto your hands. It remains silent and for a moment you can only hear the rain falling down on the pavement and the road. Zayn grabs your other hand and whispers: “I love you, [Your Name]. I truly do.”
His eyes are begging you and a sudden feeling floods over your body when you grab Zayn’s head and kiss him. Kiss him, passionately, while holding him so tight like you never want to let go ever again. Zayn answers to your kiss and his arms fold around your waist, pulling you close to his body. You don’t let go and open your mouth a little when you feel his soft tongue going along your lips lovingly and the rain falls down over your back. You suddenly let go of him and cry loudly, burying your face in his wet hair, his luscious and familiar smelling body odour makes you feel safe. You close your eyes and stay there, being in an intense embrace with Zayn in front of his house, while the rain’s falling down on you. You hear Zayn’s heartbeat close to you through his shirt and sigh deeply, whispering the last saving words:
“I forgive you.”